Crawling to Zero
Content Warning: Loss/Miscarriage/Ectopic -mentions of human anatomy
They say at the beginning of the year you start fresh.
On the evening of January 1st, full of black eyed peas, collards, pork, and potatoes, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.
I stared at the test in my hands, and watched love struck as a little pink line glinted against the plastic.
I walked into the guest bedroom in my in laws home, and cradled the tiny stick in my hands. I took dozens of pictures of it with my phone, adjusting the contrast, brightening, darkening, changing the angles. There the line stood, loud and clear it rang, we were going to be parents. I was going to be a mama.
I texted my husband from the bedroom to come in. He came into the room asking, “what’s up?” and I passed the test to him.
He looked at me, looked at the test, and asked, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m pregnant” I whispered, in a voice hushed, afraid that if I said it too loudly we might be heard, and it might not be true.
He walked over and placed his hand over my belly, right below my navel. His warm hand stayed there as he kissed my forehead, and we laughed. We were going to be parents. We felt joy, excitement, and of course, a touch of fear. Is this really happening? The next…
